Wishful Thinking

Entry 1

I highly doubt this will work. I’ve been looking online, and I was told to write a diary. I mean, come on! What are the chances that this will lead to any form of improvement? But, whatever. I’ll follow what the tips tell me to.

 

My name is Gregory Flynn. I’m in my mid-twenties and I’ve been told to do this because I’m pretty stressed and I have been for a while. Truth is, even though I’d never admit this to anyone, I’m almost beginning to hate myself for dropping out of university. I’ve been told over and over that it’s normal to change direction, but it’s not as if I lost interest in the subject I was aiming for. If anything, I was scared that staying in university and forcing myself to revise day after day would beat any enthusiasm out of my system.

 

I’ve wanted to be a therapist for the longest time. Amanda, my sister, gave me that spark of wonder when I was younger. I still remember it so clearly: how upset she was, how the words came so naturally and how bright her face was after I finished talking. I took her from tears to smiling with glee within an hour, and I’m fairly sure that she didn’t cry about that break-up afterwards.

 

Since dropping out of university, I swear that memory’s become bittersweet. It feels as if I made a narrow escape by managing to keep my enthusiasm- or, at least, the majority of it- but it feels as if I’ve let Amanda down, as well. I mean, she was the one who said it on that day, said that I could make such a great therapist. She came to me whenever she felt upset and, even though it was annoying sometimes, it made me so happy to see that I could help her. She says that she isn’t disappointed, but is that the truth? It doesn’t feel like it.

 

Wow, this actually came out so easily. It’s like as soon as I started writing and managed to get past the strangeness of writing about myself to myself- this is quite ironic- it feels like I’m having a therapy session.

 

Right, well I have to write in this diary every day. Well, I call it a diary, but it’s a notebook a bought a few years ago. Anyway, I have to write in here every day according to the internet. I still doubt this will help. It might have come out easily, but I can’t see any immediate improvement. Though, if this is supposed to be like therapy, I suppose it makes sense that I won’t see any immediate improvement. That’s not how therapy works, and I’d know seeing as I was training to be a therapist. ­

 

I hope this ends up helping somehow.

Wishful Thinking













 

Entry 4

I found a genie. It still feels weird to even think that, let alone write it down. It’s like, having it on the page proves that it’s real, even if it feels like I’m dreaming.

 

I still don’t really know how it happened. The myth that they live in old, golden, magic lamps is complete nonsense- though, to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m even qualified to say that seeing as I just found a bloody genie. It just appeared. I still don’t really know how. Maybe I accidentally stroked a magic lamp through the cardboard box I was holding. I’ve been a removal man for ages, and I’ve seen some strange stuff, but not even the time that a box fell over and spilled that collection of animal bones is stranger than this.

 

It’s behind me. Right now. I can feel it watching over my shoulder, even if I can’t really see it. I’m guessing that other people can’t see it, either, seeing as no-one thought to question the ever-so-slightly wavering mist a metre beside me. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m even supposed to be able to tell where it is. It told me to call for it when I’ve decided on one of my three wishes, but it didn’t really explain anything else before it disappeared. I mean, come on! This is ridiculous!

 

It’s weird that it’s just following me. It doesn’t make any noise, it doesn’t create or disturb light, it’s just there, but not. It’s like an illusion. It’s like when you stare at a load of dots and then blink loads afterwards, making images seem to appear on the blank walls around you, but I don’t have to strain my eyes to see the strangeness. It’s a constant thing a metre behind me.

 

Anyway, I don’t know what to wish for. It didn’t give me any boundaries, any rules. To be fair, it didn’t even say that I can’t wish for infinite wishes, so I’m a little in the dark. I doubt that it could manipulate physics, give me the ability to fly or switch off gravity at will, though I wouldn’t mind if I could wish for those abilities. That would be really cool.

 

If I have to keep stuff realistic, I don’t know if I’d be able to live with the inevitable guilt which would come from using the wishes on myself. I’ve never been a peace-activist, but I could wish for world peace. I could wish for all diseases, viruses, mental illnesses to disappear, I could wish for poverty to be fixed quickly, I could wish for everything wrong with the planet to be fixed, but the real question is: would that be meddling too much?

 

I know it sounds stupid to ask, but stopping all future wars, giving every single country enough food, water and shelter for every person, maybe even being able to snap my fingers and make all of the non-biodegradable plastic disappear could be making too much of a change. Like, what if that causes overpopulation? I couldn’t then wish for half of us to die and half of us to live, I couldn’t wish for another planet to materialise next to Earth. What would happen then?

 

I don’t know what to do, to be honest. I want to be able to think that I can fix so many problems, so many giant problems, but I just don’t know. If I’m completely honest, I’m slightly scared that a selfish side of myself will take over and make the wrong decision, kind of like deciding not to work to become a therapist because I was scared about my own happiness. I’m scared that I’ll force myself to wish for something like the ability to speak every language, or to be the sexiest man alive. Morally, I don’t think I could do that, not when I could do something bigger and better and right, but it’s a possibility.

Entry 5

I asked the genie about what I can wish for and, like I was expecting, I can’t wish for something which will defy the laws of physics, but I’m also not allowed to wish for something which could affect other people. Something it used as an example is fame. I can’t wish to be famous, but I could wish for the skills to make myself famous. To make myself suddenly famous would mean that strings would have to be pulled to make so many people discover me at once or even alter their memories, maybe even the past, so they’d know of me already. In other words, my options are very limited.

 

Because of the limitations, I can’t even wish for something like world peace because that would affect other people’s will. If someone were intending to try something, maybe start a war with another country, to wish for world peace would make them reconsider and decide against the attempt at war even if they wouldn’t have decided on that previously. But, anyway, I suppose it makes sense. I mean, what extent would everyone be peaceful? Would the angriest people suddenly become calm and collected? Would serial killers suddenly turn themselves in? Stop mid-attack? Would it stop people from breaking-up relationships? Would it destroy any slither of free will?

 

I don’t know what to do with my wishes now, to be honest. I’ve basically been told that I have to use the three wishes on myself, but I’m not allowed to wish for anything cool like being able to fly. I mean, I’m sure everyone’s thought about what they’d wish for if they came across a genie, and I’m almost certain that at least one of those things was to have some type of abnormal ability like being able to turn invisible or fly. Now that I’ve been presented with a genie and I’ve been told that I can’t live out my old, childish fantasies of being a superhero, I have no idea what to wish for. And, anyway, the idea just makes me feel guilty. Even though I have no choice, I still feel guilty about thinking about myself. It feels as if I’ve been studying therapy just because I know the paycheque’s amazing. It feels wrong.

 

So, in short, I’m stumped. Work’s been stressful, still, so I could wish for something which could help with that. Maybe more patience or more strength. I’m not sure. All I know is that I need to be smart about what I choose. Without the obvious options to go for, I’m in a position where I could easily make the wrong choice. And, knowing my luck, that choice would end up killing me.

Wishful Thinking